


the one that got away

by sirensongs (orphan_account)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-01
Updated: 2012-06-08
Packaged: 2017-12-03 15:24:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/699711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sirensongs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall never thought love could be real. After loving someone for so long with no results, how could it be? Then one night he realizes love is real. So that's that. Love... It’s real. Niall's skepticism shifts focus. Can it last?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first fanfic ever (maybe a Harry Potter oneshot preceded it, but either way) and so it's not the same sort of stylistic approach I've taken recently in my newer fics. Either way it's dear to me since it's the beginning of my writing and I do hope you enjoy it. (Was indeed posted to my Tumblr long ago! Stating to avoid accusations of theft!)

The pounding rain against the window served as an omnipresent reminder of the panging in Niall’s chest. A reminder of the sorrow that consumed him. His bright blue eyes stared back at him and the distorted reflection saw such a tangled frown.

He sat, shaking, on the edge of his luxurious king sized bed. The lush gray Egyptian cotton was no comfort and simply felt as cold as the hard wood under his bare feet.

Tears cascaded down his cheeks, a gentle rhythm interrupted by heavy breaths and a shivering disposition.

“Liam,” he muttered through a mucked obstacle. It was is if the tears had gone to his throat, too. He swallowed hard, his fingers clenching each other as his throat tightened.

The alarm clock was still buzzing, it had been buzzing for a while, but he couldn’t find the strength to turn it off. He glanced over to it through clouded eyes. Four thirteen in the afternoon.

The time struck him like a dagger in his heart, he supported his head in his hands and let his elbows hit his knees. He cried out Liam’s name and looked up into the abysmal sky. Four thirteen. Such a familiar time; so painful and finite.

The memories rush back and he’s in another place and time.

“Don’t you think it’s fishy?” Liam started, following Niall down the stairwell of the hotel. “I do. I think it’s really, really fishy.”

Niall chuckled and took a bite of the giant gummy bear a fan had given him that night. It was one in the morning and he had begun the descent with the most benevolent of intentions: trying to step lightly and be quiet for the rest of the guests.

His priorities shifted, however, and he decided to let his red vans clunk as loudly as they’d like as he skipped steps and hopped down.

He wasn’t chilly at all, which he found amazing. Gliding down the silent stairwell with nothing but his navy blue and light pink striped JW bathing suit; Liam following closely behind, also clad in his swim trunks and converse.

“Maybe it’s fishy that you’re so worried about it Mate,” Niall admitted, finding himself at the fourth floor. “Come on,” he said with a slight laugh.

A quick push and a few steps through the hallway of the hotel and Niall and Liam were dancing through a pair of white French doors and onto the pool deck.

“Last one in is a potato sucker!” Niall howled, kicking off his shoes and rushing over to the deepest end of the pool. He turned back in an instant to see Liam hurrying over behind him. He felt his hands against his back and then he was soaring into the cool water.

Liam followed quickly after, and Niall saw him once again as they both rose up from the water. Liam’s hair was sopped and flipped over his face, Niall laughed at him, running his hand through his own misshapen hair.

“God, I loveMiami,” Liam gushed, floating back to the shallower end so he could stand up.

Niall nodded in agreement, following closely behind Liam. He laughed at how Liam’s body looked so oddly distorted in the water as the bright white pool lights struck him.

“It was a great show,” Niall said in accordance.

Liam splashed a bit at Niall, water flying from his hand to Niall’s face. He laughed as Niall’s mouth dropped and his bright eyes were wide and alert.

“You turd!” Niall shouted, flicking water at him. He then began to laugh and started to slash water at Liam, becoming even more entertained as Liam squirmed around and tried to deflect the water.

With a final surge of water overcoming him, Liam ducked into the water and swam quickly toward Niall, his hands gripping Niall’s legs and pulling him under. Niall giggled under the water, grabbing Liam’s broad shoulders and finding himself disappointed when his hands slipped off as Liam wriggled away before he wrapped his legs around Niall and pressed his hands down on his chest.

Niall squirmed under Liam, his hands reaching up as high as they could. He needed air.

Liam finally let up, noticing Niall’s exceptional struggle.

“You arse!” Niall coughed as he emerged from the water. He splashed Liam and then hurried over to the steps of the pool. He coughed a bit more and took in a few deep breaths. The steps were mostly underwater, with the top two rising above the water to the deck. Niall sat on the second step and let his legs relax under the water as he caught his breath. He shot Liam a dirty look.

“Nialler,” Liam panted. “I’m sorry.” He waded over to the steps and sat next to Niall.

Niall ignored him, rolling his eyes and sniffling a bit and letting out a few short and exhaustive coughs. His breaths were becoming a bit more normal.

Liam placed his hand on Niall’s shoulder, “Niall, dude, I’m really sorry. I was just messing around.” He scooted closer to him and positioned his head close to Niall’s, “you hear me?”

“Yeah,” Niall admitted. He nodded, “It’s okay.”

Liam smiled, his usual charming and boyish smile. “All right, good dude. Come on!” He held his arms out for a hug which Niall happily obliged to, patting his back before exiting the hug slowly.

Liam’s face was so close to his and he simply wore a closed-mouth smile. Niall inhaled slower than he ever had before. His heart was racing. Something was happening. All of the air he’d just regained from all the panting suddenly seemed to escape him. His eyes were locked on Liam’s and in such a quick moment something  _did_  happen.

Niall shuddered as Liam’s soft lips met his. They were wet and gentle, moving up and down ever so slightly on Niall’s. Niall let his hand cradle Liam’s neck, his other hand still wrapped around his back.

Liam held Niall’s face with both hands, an intensity growing in his kiss and his eyebrows furrowed. He pulled away.

Niall and Liam sat there for a moment, their lips tingling and their bodies hot. And then they smiled and laughed.  


	2. Chapter Two

Niall and Liam were thrilled with their kiss. Neither averted their gaze or tried to act like it was anything short of magical.

“I...” Niall said, searching for the perfect words.

Liam smiled a half smile, his wet hair was stuck to his face and he had water dipping from it down to the tip of his nose and his top lip. He gently held his index finger to Niall’s adorable lips.

“I think we should just try again,” Liam said slowly. “To make sure.”

Niall wanted to kiss Liam’s finger, he really did. But he simply nodded. “I think that makes sense,” he said. His hands were back by his side now, but he lifted his right hand to Liam’s cheek and slowly moved in toward him.

Liam accepted Niall’s touch and smiled a bit at the feeling. In a matter of moment his mouth was meshing with Niall’s again. This time he found Niall slipping his tongue into his mouth and his own tongue combated with passion; slipping over Niall’s and in and out of his mouth as their kiss deepened.

Niall was breathing heavily as they began to pull each other closer, their hands exploring each others’ backs.

Liam rubbed his hands on Niall’s blonde head and then let his grip relocate to Niall’s leg, his fingers stroking his thighs.

“Delicious,” Liam teased, pulling away from Niall.

“What?” Niall said, his lips pouty as he was still breathing so closely to Liam and his expression was begging for more. “That’s it, then?”

Liam shrugged, “Looks like you want more.” Even through the distorting pool water it was obvious that Niall was happy.

“Mhmm,” Niall managed through gritted teeth, grabbing Liam by the back of his head and pulling him in for a kiss.

Liam pulled away instantly, holding up his index finger and looking absolutely confused. “Wait, do you hear that?”

Niall shook his head like an excited dog and then kissed Liam again. He groaned when Liam pulled away another time.

“I hear something,” he insisted.

Niall looked behind Liam and saw Harry and Louis laughing as they shut the door and set their towels down. They seemed too into each other to notice what was going on.

“Oh,” Harry mumbled, obviously a bit drunk. “You two fancy a swim, I see?”

Niall nodded, gulping hard and trying to catch his breath. He squirmed a bit trying to reposition himself.

Liam did the same.

Louis pulled the thin white and navy blue striped shirt from his torso and revealed a lean body covered in only a small red bathing suit. “You don’t mind if we do, then?”

Liam stood up from the pool as soon as he felt himself back to normal. “No, we were just about to go back to sleep, actually. It’s all yours.”

“Brilliant,” Harry moaned. He was wearing a plain purple suit and he poked at Louis’ chest, slapping his butt and laughing hard.

Niall took a few more seconds and then realized he, too, was safe to stand. “You guys behave,” Niall teased awkwardly.

Liam and Niall rushed to grab a pair of towels from the men’s sauna and then dried off quickly before hurrying over to the elevators. “I reckon we could’ve taken these down, too. Not going to run into any crazy fans at this hour.” Niall laughed nervously.

“I told you it’s damn fishy,” Liam said, ignoring him. “You see the way they are with each other? I know, I know, Harry wasn’t sober. They’re like that all the time, though!”

Niall shrugged, “Not any different from us.”

Liam studied Niall and displayed a severe concern.

“Ooh, right,” Niall said, rocking back on his heels.

Liam nodded, “Right. So now do you still think they’re just friends? I mean it.”

Niall shrugged again and exhaled as the elevator  _dinged_  and they were let on. “I dunno, Li. So what if they’re a thing. Nothing about it is our business unless they make it our business.”

Liam whinnied. “I know! But I just want to know for sure.”

Niall pressed the button to the top floor, “Can’t you find something else to occupy your thoughts?”

Liam stared at Niall, who was concentrated on the lit up picture ofMiamiin the elevator. “I already have,” Liam said in a hushed voice.

Niall slowly turned to look at Liam and he let a smile crawl across his face. “Quite the charmer, eh?”

Liam laughed, “I try. But I mean it. You know, I’ve been wondering for a while...”

Niall remained quiet, thinking to himself as they exited the elevator and made their way to their room. It was usual that the boys would split up. If Niall had it his way he and Liam shared a room and Harry and Louis shared a room and Zayn would crash in either one—whichever he chose. He didn’t mind at all. Zayn had an odd fondness of sleeping on a couch.

On this night Zayn was snoring on the couch in Louis and Harry’s currently vacant room. “Shh,” Niall instructed, gripping the door handle and turning it slightly and slowly.

He led Liam in and then closed the door behind him just as precisely. He flicked on a dim lamp and the room was hardly lit.

Liam grabbed a pair of boxers and some Wills sweatpants before retreating to the bathroom. When he emerged dressed in nothing but his pants and trousers he was alarmed to find Niall pulling his own sport shorts over his boxer briefs.

“Oh shut up,” Niall cried, tying the strings of his shorts. “Don’t start acting weird now,” he said at Liam’s sly smile.

“Let’s just try and get some sleep,” Liam said with a chuckle.

Niall nodded in agreement, flicking off the light and then making his way over to the king sized bed in the middle of their room. Niall always slept on the right side. He checked his iPhone, one of his favorite possessions and was pleased to see it still charging and with no notifications. He was sure if he checked his Twitter (for which notifications had been disabled) he would find endless follow requests and even a few oddities.

It was as Liam settled down in bed next to him as he had done so many times that he realized one of the most common oddities he’d come across on Twitter was a reality:  _Niam_. He wouldn’t have the nerve to bring up such a thing to Liam, he didn’t want to sound like an idiot after all. But it was true. It was happening. There was a  _tiny_  pang of longing for the fans to know. But not near great enough for him to give it a second thought after its dismissal.

“Niall,” Liam whispered, his arms outstretched and his head on his linked hands.

Niall blushed at the way his name sounded coming out of Liam’s mouth. Other times he’d noticed it, too. Those times were folly compared to this. Niall was glad Liam couldn’t see his bright red face in the dark. “Yeah?”

“Do you like me?”

Niall studied the words carefully.

“Of course I do,” he finally said in one short breath.

Liam turned over on his side and the tiny bit of light from the digital alarm clock just barely revealed Niall’s face; though his silhouette was easy to see.

“I mean do you like me? A bit more than as usual. I know you’ve kissed girls before,” he was stumbling over the words. “I just was wondering if it’s... You know... Different?”

“Different?” Niall furrowed his brows, looking up at the cieling.

Liam exhaled, “yeah. Our kiss. Us. Me?”

Niall pouted out his bottom lip, “No, you’re not different.”

Liam felt a sharp pain in his chest.

“But I’m glad you’re not different or else you wouldn’t be the same Liam I fell in love with back on  _X_.” Niall turned to look at Liam and flashed a giant smile.

Liam seemed so very relieved. “I’ve been in love with you, too,” Liam said, his words were difficult to find but he managed.

Niall inhaled, “Well thanks.”

“Thanks?”

“For kissing me tonight,” Niall said. “Now it’s all happening. We can be together. All because you kissed me.”

Liam and Niall sat in silence for a few minutes.

“I was so bloody scared,” Liam finally gushed. 


	3. Chapter Three

“We get to go shopping today,” Niall was saying. He was sitting up a bit, watching the television.

Liam’s eyes clicked open, his head was just atop Niall’s armpit, Niall’s gentle hand on his chest and he could hear Niall’s heartbeat clearly.

“Shopping?” Liam said, trying not to act too excited about the physical situation.

Niall nodded, which Liam could feel. “Kristin says so.”

Kristin was their PR manager, or something like that. She would tell the boys when the best times were to go places so that the paparazzi wouldn’t be there. Interestingly enough there always seemed to be a few guys with cameras when they got there. And by the time they left they were fighting just to get away alive.

“Oh, joy,” Liam muttered. He looked up to Niall who was laughing.

“Where are we going, then?”

Niall just laughed more, “I’ll give you a guess. Only one, and I’ll bet you can figure it out. Harry picked. Actually Harry asked if we could go shopping.”

“As usual,” Liam mumbled. “I don’t reckon there’s a Jack Wills down inSouthBeach, is there?”

Niall exhaled before laughing hard, “I told you, one guess! It’s  _literally_  just opened up!” Niall ran his hand through Liam’s thick brown hair. “Anyway we ought to get ready dontcha think? We’re supposed to meet the other boys in about thirty minutes.”

Liam sat up, he was adorably adorned in nothing but his Jack Wills sweatpants. He leaned over, tracing his finger over Niall’s bare chest before placing a kiss on his lips and smiling.

“I could get used to that,” Niall admitted, reaching up hungrily and taking Liam’s face in for another kiss.

“Now go on and get in the shower,” Niall ordered, patting Liam’s butt as he bounced off of the bed and over to the bathroom.

“You’re favorite movie is on,” Niall chuckled as Liam emerged from the bathroom dressed in a nice plaid top with some khaki shorts.

Liam raised a brow, “What movie?”

Niall simply pointed to the screen.

It was surprising to Liam, to see a familiar scene. Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz chatting over the internet about a house swap. “What? TheHoliday? But you don’t kn—How do you know that?”

“Told me once,” Niall said nonchalantly.

Liam stopped in his tracks. “Woah, there. Are you quite sure I did?”

Niall stood from the bed, waltzing over to his suitcase and grabbing something to wear. “I reckon so. Think you told me back inChicago, when we were playing twenty questions.”

“You remember all of those little details, then?” Liam seemed to be shocked.

“Of course I do,” Niall sniggered. “Don’t you remember mine?”

Liam nodded, “Yeah, I do.”

Niall grinned, “What’s  _my_  favorite movie?”

Liam shoved his dirty clothes into the hamper by the bathroom door. “Do you think I’m an idiot? Sherlock Holmes. Right now anyway. It’s bound to change before the week is over, it always does.”

“S’right,” Niall pouted. “Well it’s not that big of a deal, is it? Just... I listen. When you talk, I mean.”

Liam smiled. “Get in the shower, Nialler.”

Niall obliged. “We should’ve just taken one together,” he joked as he brushed past Liam on the way to the washroom.

It was a funny thought that Liam thought to be all too intriguing and he wanted to kick himself for not making it happen.

“Shopping, shopping!” Harry was smiling giddily. He wasn’t even the least hungover, which meant he was smart about his water intake the night before. Louis didn’t look hungover either, but he was not nearly as cheery. Which was odd, Niall thought, because Louis was usually the most excited for shopping.

“Just your luck, eh?” Niall said to Harry. “A blooming Jack inMiami? Opens a weekend before we get here.”

Liam laughed and so did Zayn, who quickly countered. “I’ll bet they were planning it ever since we announced thatMiamiwas added to the tour list.”

“Just to please little old Harry,” Louis said in a particularly raspy voice. His voice was usually a bit scratchy but he seemed a tad sick.

Harry chuckled. “Oi, shut it.”

Niall was laughing at Louis making a few funny faces and teasing Harry as he always did.

The boys sat in the back of the black Expedition that had picked them up and then Kristin appeared at the door that was closest to Niall and she opened it up, speaking into her BlackBerry and writing something down into her Lily Pullitzer notepad.

“Come on guys,” she said. Flashes were going off as soon as they stepped out of the car.

“Same as usual,” Liam said, placing his hand on Niall’s shoulder as they crossed from the car, over the sidewalk, and into Jack Wills. Liam always liked to comfort Niall, who was especially uncomfortable around paparazzi. All of the flashes and yelling; it made Niall feel awful.

Niall patted Liam on the back as a sign of thanks, though when their eyes locked Niall hoped Liam realized all he wanted to do was hug and kiss him. Couldn’t, of course. They were in a public Jack Wills. But still, it was all he really desired.

Luckily the paparazzi had all stayed outside. As they were always forced to.

“Try on these!” Harry exclaimed giving a pair of jeans to Niall.

Zayn was clutching a hoodie, “And Liam, you try on this, it looks like something you’d wear...”

Really the boys all wore each others’ clothes. It was just how it worked. If one bought something, it could be considered a group purchase. Niall took the pants and Liam took the hoodie.

“Race you!” Niall said, pushing Liam and sprinting toward the dressing stalls.

“Oh, sorry, Louis is in that one!” A young girl stuttered. “There’s only one, so who wants to go?”

Liam shrugged, “we can share!”

The girl seemed a bit surprised.

“We all see each other change all the time,” Niall cleared up. “We’re practically brothers,” Niall hoped Liam didn’t feel uneasy at his words. He was only saying that so it didn’t seem weird, after all.

“Oh, duh,” the girl said. She pulled back the navy and pink striped curtain and let them in.

Niall unzipped his shorts and shimmied out of them as Liam pulled the hoodie over his head.

“D’you need some help?” Liam offered, noticing Niall struggling into the pants.

“No,” Niall laughed, jumping around and trying to pull them over his smooth legs. He hopped a bit to the wrong side and found himself toppling over but Liam caught him and their faces were exasperatingly close.

“Liam,” Niall muttered.

“Nialler?” Liam whispered.

Niall looked over at the curtain. It was still drawn. Though if anyone were careful enough to step back and take a peek from far enough away they might see their legs so close together. He couldn’t take it anymore.

Liam’s soft lips felt so welcoming to Niall, it was as if it were meant to be. Every second of his life led up to their kiss. It felt like that the first time. It felt like it then.

Liam’s hands were gripping Niall’s adorable face and Niall was still holding onto Liam’s broad shoulders to hold himself up.

Suddenly the sound of rings scraping against metal as the curtain was drawn open and there was a click. Niall and Liam were blinded by the blaring flash of a camera and a pearly white smile.


	4. Chapter Four

“It was a mistake,” Liam had been saying over and over again as the five boys headed down the narrow hallway of their hotel.

Niall wished he would stop saying that. Sure, they weren’t happy about being discovered, but in his heart he didn’t think the whole thing was a mistake.

“I’m sorry,” Niall offered. Maybe he shouldn’t have kissed him. Obviously Liam wasn’t too pleased with the situation in its entirety.

Liam didn’t say anything back to Niall. Louis gripped Niall’s shoulder tightly, offering him a brotherly smile and he sighed as he noticed tears building up in Niall’s eyes. Harry seemed to notice, too, as he patted Niall’s pack from the other side.

Zayn and Liam were walking quickly up ahead. They entered the hotel room that Harry, Louis, and Zayn had shared and Kristin quickly shut the door behind her.

“Well I just got buzzed,” Kristin said, smacking her lips around the straw which protruded from her Starbucks cup. “Turns out we’re gonna have to pay big money to get those photos  _and_  a legal deal which prohibits their publishing.”

Niall swallowed hard, looking to Liam whose face was buried in his hands.

“Damn it,” Liam muttered. He was read and his eyes were blurry as he reared up. He looked like he was caught in a dangerous mixture of sadness and rage. “How much?” He was standing now. All of the other boys looked to him and Kristin simultaneously.

Kristin groaned. “Twelve thousand dollars.”

“Twelve THOUSAND dollars?” Liam shouted.

“For some photographs?” Harry barked. “That’s mad!”

Niall felt his heart and stomach bang against each other and  he slouched back on the couch that he shared with Louis and Zayn and Harry. “This is all my fault.”

Again, Liam said nothing. He simply paced around the room, breathing hard and practically ripping his hair out. Niall’s eyes began to feel hot, he had no feeling in his hollow chest and his nose burned. He was fighting tears with everything he could, just like Liam was.

With one quick, fluid movement Niall stood from the couch, rushing over to the door and leaving. He found himself in the hallway and quickly fumbled in his pocket for his wallet. He withdrew his room card with shaking hands and entered his and Liam’s room.

Tears dripped down his cheeks, he could hardly see anything and his breathing was uneven. He hadn’t felt so much pain since he thought he would be kicked off of X-Factor. Now Liam was angry with him, it was all his fault that this happened. There wasn’t any way that they’d pay twelve thousand dollars. They were screwed. Everyone would know now.

Niall slammed his fist against the dark wood dresser and looked into the large mirror and saw the bed behind him. Just the thought of the happiness he once shared with Liam simply  _lying_  there drove more tears to emerge. His heart and brain were at war, his feelings were overcoming.

He made his way over to one of the luxurious armchairs, an earthy green one, and sat down in it. He threw his head back and placed his hands over his face. Nothing could make this better, he kept telling himself. Nothing.

Then there was a familiar clicking noise and Niall’s gaze shot over to the door. There stood Liam, also a teary eyed mess. He was frowning.

“I’m so sorry,” Niall blubbered, letting his head fall back against the cushioned chair. “I wish I didn’t do all this.”

Liam was standing over him now, he took Niall’s hand and placed his other hand against Niall’s cheek. He brushed his thumb against his tears. “Nialler, don’t be sorry,” Liam managed. “Stand up,” he said, pulling on Niall’s hand.

Niall managed to pick up his own weight and he stood to see Liam eye to eye. Niall couldn’t bare to face Liam after what he’d done. He averted his eyes to the floor.

“No, no,” Liam whispered, tears in his eyes welling up even more. “Look at me.”

As Niall fought to bring his eyes to Liam’s face he noticed one single tear slip down Liam’s cheek.

“I don’t want you to be sorry.” Liam said. “Who cares?” The way Liam said it, Niall knew he cared. He was only trying to comfort him.

“But everyone will see it. Our parents, our fans,  _everyone_!” Niall argued. “I know this isn’t what you want. I know you wish none of this happened.”

Liam frowned even more, a few more tears trickling down. “No, not at all! Niall! I’m  _so_  glad this all happened!” He placed his hands on Niall’s arms. “Who cares about our parents? We’ll let them know before the photos are published. They’ll either support us, or...”

Niall felt his face get hot as he and Liam were both saddened by the very possible alternative. “Liam.”

“Niall, don’t,” Liam said. “I’m glad this all happened, don’t you find anything confusing about that. I’m so damn glad. I love you.”

With that Liam wrapped his arms around Niall and gave him the longest, most sincere hug he’d ever given him. Niall buried his face in Liam’s broad shoulder and whispered: “I love you, too.” He had to fight the urge to apologize again.

After many moments of collecting themselves Liam and Niall re-entered the other hotel room. Nobody seemed to be upset.

“Dry your tears, boys,” Kristin squeaked.

Niall furrowed his brows. “Why?”

“I’m paying them,” Harry said with a slight smile.

Liam and Niall both opened their mouths in protest.

“I know you’d do the same for Louis and I,” Harry laughed.

Niall’s eyes widened and so did Liam’s and so did Louis’. Zayn simply laughed. Kristin was giggling and punching away at her Blackberry.

“Okay, so this never happened,” Kristin said. “Seriously guys, all I ask is that you dim down the PDA.”

The boys all laughed and Niall sniffed, wiping at his nose and blinking hard against more tears as he shared a grateful hug with Harry.


	5. Chapter Five

A few weeks passed. The boys were back inLondon, Liam and Niall had their own flat and Louis and Harry did as well. Zayn actually had a girlfriend, though the other boys were surprised because they were sure there was some sort of ‘gay curse’ on them or something. Harry and Louis weren’t convinced that Zayn was straight, but he was really happy and so that was all they needed to see.

It had been exactly twenty days since Niall and Liam’s first kiss and now that they were inLondonand filming for their new music video, both were just in a state of pure happiness. After their collaboration with Justin Bieber had topped the American charts a week ago, they were even more excited to release their newest album.

Sat in their apartment, Liam and Niall were intertwined in a blanket on a couch and watching a film. It was dark outside and the only illumination was from the kitchen and television. Liam had decorated, shopping almost totally at West Elm and Crate + Barrel. The flat was gorgeous, sterling silver everywhere, it was two stories with a bedroom landing right up the stairs and with the kitchen directly underneath it.

“The best thing I’ve ever heard, we’re number one again, and with Justin,” Niall kept saying. The background of his phone was him and Justin.

Liam just laughed, “All right, Nialler, I get it.”

“But it’s just I’m his biggest fan,” Niall reiterated.

“I know,” Liam smiled.

“I’ve always wanted this,” Niall said.

“I know,” Liam chuckled.

“And I’ve got you,” Niall breathed.

Liam looked surprised. That part was rather new. He hadn’t included anything about Liam in his Justin Bieber fan girl babbles.

“What?” Liam’s smile only grew, looking deep into Niall’s eyes.

“I’m the happiest I’ve ever been,” Niall said. The way his words rolled off of his tongue dripped subtext, a subtext only Liam would understand.

Liam’s eyes lit up, “Really?”

Niall wrapped his arms around Liam’s shoulders, pressing his lips up to Liam’s. There was a soft sensation about Liam’s lips that just tingled against his own. It was like a small shot of electricity, every kiss just as magical as their first in the pool a few weeks ago.

“Really,” Niall breathed, and with that Liam pressed his lips up against Niall’s neck, his hands exploring Niall’s white t-shirt clad chest.

Niall wanted to wait. Liam did, too, but at the same time he’d done it a few times with Danielle. It was weird, Liam knew... And that’s the main way he knew he was gay. He was sure to google it. He wasn’t supposed to have such a difficult time with her. But with Niall he just felt so hungry for more.

They didn’t know particularly what they were waiting for. As Niall had put it ‘a good time’. They’d waited forever to get together and there ‘weren’t too many more milestones for their relationship’ (Niall was such a downer sometimes...) so they should make sure their first time was perfect. They would ‘just know’ as Niall said. And they did.

Niall threw the blanket off of them and his face lit up as he noticed Liam’s gym shorts were growing tighter and tighter by the second, as he peeled Niall’s shirt from his chest. He kissed at Niall’s beautiful chest, his lips tracing down his stomach all the way down until he was at the fabric of Niall’s sweatpants.

Liam just breathed heavily as Niall pushed on his chest, and he was laying back on the cushions as Niall positioned himself comfortable on his elbows and knees, crawling up to Liam and pulling his gym shorts down to exactly where he wanted them.

It was all he could do not to cry out, to yell and just buck right into Niall’s mouth as Niall began to taste him. The feeling was the best he’d ever felt, it beat everything he’d ever tried before, the feeling of Niall’s wonderful mouth was unique and sophisticated, magical.

Niall took Liam deeper and deeper, until finally he could tell Liam was almost unable to bear it anymore. He came off of it, looking into Liam’s eyes and he furrowed his brows on confusion as Liam reached in between the cushions and pulled out a golden condom wrapper.

“I just thought it best to be prepared,” Liam muttered, hastily ripping it off and rolling the latex on himself. “Come here you naughty little boy,” He huffed, his bottom lip extended and Niall just kissed him, crawling over him.

As Niall lowered himself onto Liam he mumbled something, whimpering a bit. Liam was considerate, though. It was the single best sensation, it even beat Niall’s lips, and he was slow, watching Niall’s face as he slowly began to buck into him, thrusting his hips and slamming into Niall.

The boys were laying in each others arms on the couch, both exhausted and just breathing, wearing nothing but their briefs. Their heartbeats were beating in perfect sync.

Suddenly the phone rang, a loud ring given the practically silent environment. Liam let it ring, ignoring it. It rang again.

“Oh, answer it, Li,” Niall said, finally, patting Liam’s bare chest. Liam sat up, reluctantly and saw it was Harry calling, his big curly hair and wide smile covering the screen in his contact photo.

“Hello?” Liam tried his best to sound casual, to breathe normally. He held the phone to his ear and Niall could hear the deep reverberation of Harry’s voice, though he couldn’t hear exactly what it was the boy was saying on the other side of the connection.

Niall could’ve sworn he’d seen Liam’s face during so many different situations. Even a new one as of that night, but all of the excited faces he’d ever seen Liam display, any of the sad or surprised or mad faces, none of them communicated the same amount of emotion as the expression that struck Liam’s face in a matter of seconds.

“What do you mean he’s hurt?!”


	6. Chapter Six

Niall and Liam stared out into the bustling street beneath the hospital window. So late and yet so many people were still going about living their lives, living as if nothing had happened, because for them, nothing had. But for the boys of One Direction it was the worst evening they’d ever experienced. No heart was unbroken as the news arrived to them.

Zayn was no longer with them. It was such a painful sting that there were no tears, so sharp and menacing that it hardly penetrated the boys’ brains. Louis and Harry were bawling and Niall and Liam couldn’t help but feel so guilty: No tears surfaced. It hadn’t hit them yet. They were numb, in so much pain that they couldn’t even feel it.

Niall didn’t know what to do with himself. He only dug his hands into his pockets and kept staring. There was nothing that he could do, nothing he could say, he couldn’t bring Zayn back. Zayn was one of his best friends, who had been there for nearly everything.

Liam’s eyes darted between Niall and the window, he was breathing so slowly that he wasn’t sure if he was breathing at all. There was a ticking clock and the waiting room was silent. What were they even doing there anymore?

Zayn’s mother had come, crying and Liam could only stand there shocked, and his mouth fell open and yet no words could come out. His nose flared up, hot, as if tears were coming but there was a feeling in the back of his mind that Zayn was going to be there in a few days at the recording studio or signing.

Louis’ face was red, tortured and scarred.

He found Zayn.

He got a phone call from him just a few minutes before it happened, letting him know. The fear that had shot through Louis’ body after the call was nothing compared to the pull of shock he experienced as he found the key under the mat at Zayn’s apartment and walked into a flooded flat, pills scattered across the bathroom sink. At first he thought he was only hurt, the doctors thought they could bring him back.

But it wasn’t the case. He called Liam in the bustle.

Harry kept muttering things, holding his face in his hands. Wondering why Zayn did this, what he could have done to save him.

The coldness of the hospital sent shivers up Niall’s spine. It was as Niall realized that he’d never get a phone call from Zayn, never another witty text message, never see another tweet, or see Zayn run his hands through his hair while he gazed into a mirror, it was that moment that Niall realized Zayn was gone that he buried his face in Liam’s shoulder and began to sob.

Liam held Niall, comforting him as he wanted to forever. “It’s okay,” Liam said, but even his own voice began to shake as he said this. “Shh, it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay.”

Kristin, the boys’ PR manager, emerged from the elevator, her eyes puffy and red. She wasn’t done up in her usual fashionable ensemble but wore sweats, running shoes, and a sweater. “I can’t believe it,” she said, her hands were free of her Blackberry or trendy water bottle.

Louis stood up and as Kristin stumbled toward him he held his arms open and they cried in each others’ arms.

“I’m so sorry, Louis,” Kristin muttered through sobs. “I’m so sorry to all of you. I can’t begin to imagine how you feel.”

The doctor finally came out, escorting Zayn’s crying mother. “I’m so sorry...” The doctor said. And that was all that it took, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room and the elevator dinged open a last time as Paul entered, tears ripping down his cheeks.

Kristin and Paul stood together, their faces scrunched up and wet, frowns that the boys hadn’t ever seen on them before were present.

“Zayn tried to tell me,” Liam muttered, sitting down in a chair and folding his hands together, placing his chin on his knuckles and trying to blink away his tears. “He tried to tell me he wasn’t happy... I didn’t help him.”

Niall sat down next to Liam, “It’s not your fault,” he began, placing his hand on Liam’s arm.

Liam pulled his arm away, “It is my fault! I should have helped him! I should have made him feel better, let him know how loved he was, let him know there were other ways! But I didn’t do that. And now he’s gone! If I hadn’t been so selfish. If I cared a little more, if I just listened, at least!”

There was complete silence. Not a sniffle of a nose, not a breath or a movement. None of the boys knew what to tell Liam. They knew it wasn’t his fault. But he just wasn’t listening at the moment. Louis looked to Harry and they both could see the pain in the others’ eyes, the hollowness that became them, and there was nothing that either of them could do for each other, something they weren’t used to.

Harry turned to Liam, though he was hardly able to think straight he just slowly composed himself. “You can’t put the blame on yourself, Liam.” His voice was trembling and faltering as he tried to find the words to say.

Liam only dug his face into his palms, “No.” He said and as the silence commenced he sobbed. “If it weren’t for me, if I had just done  _something_ , Zayn would still be here.”

Zayn’s mother, through tears, shook her head, “Liam, don’t you say that.”

But it was too late as Niall sat, tears fresh in eyes, watching Liam blame himself for the tragedy which had occurred. Niall missed Zayn, he missed him more than he could tell. Losing Zayn was the worst thing that had happened to him yet, and while he thought of this he hoped he wouldn’t have to lose Liam as well. 


	7. Chapter Seven

“If we weren’t being so selfish,” Liam had said.

Niall tried to ignore him. There was only so much he could say. There was only so much he truly felt he could do. Zayn was no longer there with them. There was no use letting Liam see his tears or pain. Liam was in the worse state Niall had ever seen.

“I should have been comforting him, helping him out.”

Niall stood from the table and took his bowl into the kitchen, placing it into the sink and running the water onto it. “Stop, please, Liam. It’s not your fault. I don’t know what to do to get you to understand.”

Liam slammed his fist against the table, his eyes were red and baggy. “Don’t tell me it isn’t my fucking fault, Niall.”

“You don’t need to raise your voice at me,” Niall insisted. He flicked off the sink and turned to the dark green and brown marble countertop next to the fridge, hiding his tearing eyes from Liam.

“You live in fucking fantasy land, Niall! I’m sick and fucking tired of you acting like everything is all right, like everything is just fine and dandy!” Liam furiously dug his face into his palms. “It’s because of me that everything has gone to shit. Everything was fine with us, with Lou and Harry. But all the while Zayn was so unhappy and I could have helped him!”

Niall sniffed, as quietly as he could, and he concentrated on the wall. A lump rode up his throat. “Liam, how can you say it’s your fault? Zayn wasn’t unhappy because of you, Liam! If you think it’s your fault because you didn’t help him, then it’s all of our fault.”

Liam shook his head, gritting his teeth. “He tried to talk to me about it, Niall. He tried to explain how he felt. If I just fucking listened, if I just cared, wasn’t so selfish. Zayn would still be alive.”

Niall frowned to himself, “That’s not true, Liam. Zayn’s problems were at a medical level. He was diagnosed with clinical depression, we couldn’t have known.” Niall didn’t want to keep having this conversation with Liam. He’d repeated it at least three times since they’d arrived home from the hospital the previous evening.

Liam only clenched his fists and teeth. “I  _could have_ , Niall. I could have known. Do you not get it? Jesus, would you just fucking listen for  _once_? Let it get through that thick skull of yours!”

Niall felt single tears dart down his face. “I’m trying to hear you, Liam. I’m trying to understand. But you’re not listening to me either.”

Liam stood up from the table, picking up his bowl, still full of cereal. “It’s hard to listen to you when you just say the same shit over and over again. You’re trying to get me to feel better, you’re just like Louis and Harry, you want me to feel like everything’s all right!” Liam’s face was red as a tomato. “Everything’s not fucking all right!! It’s not! It’ll never be the same! Everything is shit! Every fucking thing is shit!” Liam strained the strongest muscle in his right arm and chucked the bowl at the wall, milk and cereal flying across the kitchen as the glass shattered everywhere.

“Liam!” Niall cried, his eyes were soaked, his lips trembling and his face a soft red. “Liam, please!”

Liam just threw his arms up in the air, bringing his hands to his forehead and he began to pace around. Finally, after many deep breaths, he sighed. “You don’t deserve me, Niall.”

“Liam, stop,” Niall muttered.

“You deserve someone... Someone good.”

“You’re as good as I know anyone is,” Niall whimpered.

Liam shook his head, “I’m a sorry excuse for a man.” Liam wiped away at his eyes. “I’m—I’m going out.”

“Liam, just stay,” Niall managed, his voice shaking.

Liam only frowned as he grabbed his coat and slammed the front door behind him.

Niall stood, tears in his eyes, looking at the mess in the kitchen and as he got the broom from the closet he slowly began to sob. 


	8. Chapter Eight

A funeral was the last thing any of the boys wanted to go to. It was the last thing any of them imagined they’d ever have to endure in the near future, they weren’t sure how to handle it, how to really act.

Louis and Harry brought Niall, they knew Liam would be there, though he hadn’t spoken to any of them in a week. The funeral was late, a little sore planning kept delaying it.

Zayn would have loved it, Niall thought to himself, not in a negative way, just that Zayn did love attention. It wasn’t a fault or a shining attribute, just a fact, and if Zayn could see this, in a twisted way Niall knew he’d be glad to see how many people were there, how many people cared about him.

It was an outdoor funeral at a cemetery Niall hadn’t ever heard of somewhere outside ofLondon. He could’ve traced the route as they rode from the city in the black town car, Louis and Harry holding hands next to him and just sort of gazing into each others’ eyes.

Niall had no way to concentrate on anything. His heart was racing and butterflies bounced around his chest, screaming and fluttering their wings violently. Niall listened to the moaning of the sky as it turned grey and clouds became the sunshine.

He felt terrible because, in a way, he was more concerned with Liam than Zayn. He must have been a terrible person, he thought. He loved Zayn so much. They were brothers, in many ways. And Liam, well, he loved Liam with all he had. Had he blown it? Liam didn’t care about him, didn’t want anything to do with him.

They say a day without the one you love is like a year without rain, Niall knew that quote before the Selena Gomez song, and he found that a week without the one you love is like a year without oxygen. He couldn’t breathe, he could hardly eat, he couldn’t bring himself up out of bed to do anything, why should he?

All he wanted was to talk to Liam, to see him. Where had he even gone? Niall was a worrying wreck. He didn’t have any of his things, his phone was off, he hadn’t tweeted or made any outside contact. Niall was comforted, in the back of his mind, because he secretly knew—he hoped with all he had—that Liam was safe with his dad.

When Niall stepped out of the car and onto the road of the cemetery he felt as though a gigantic, transparent pillow was being slapped at his face and held there, suffocating him, muffling his breathing and not allowing him to make any sounds.

Louis and Harry didn’t know how to approach Niall’s recent depression. It was unlike anything they’d ever seen with him. They were all beyond depressed because of Zayn, it wasn’t bearable at times, but Harry and Louis had each other. They were able to find a small bit of solace, to comfort each other if need arose. Niall had Liam, they all thought, but it wasn’t the case at the time and Niall had fallen so deep into the pit of despair that they couldn’t even find hope enough to reel him back.

There was no sense in trying to talk to him, though Harry tried. Louis was there for Niall when he needed it: He’d offer a hug or a pat on the back, a smile or a frown if necessary. Niall didn’t need a talk, though. At the point where Niall found himself, no words could ever comfort or help his mind and heart diverge.

Niall was awake in the infinite cold, freezing as no sunlight even threatened to peek, no savior even mentioned a plan. That’s how it felt anyway. Liam wouldn’t ever come around, Niall suspected. He wished with all of his heart.

There were hoards of people dressed in black. A violinist played a melancholy tune and Harry, Louis, and Niall stepped lightly against the green earth and made their way down to where the coffin was. It was absolutely heart wrenching.

Zayn, their best friend, was no longer going to be there to laugh with them, he’d never be there to enjoy a moment with them. He’d never be at the door or calling on the telephone, he’d never be there to go to eat or shop with them. Zayn, who had always provided so much laughter, joy, and comfort was forever departed from them.

Niall broke down upon seeing the coffin and the picture of Zayn propped up on the table next to it. He placed his hand on the closed wood. His other hand shook as he brought it to his mouth and he felt his eyes closing as tears treaded down his cheeks. It was all too much. Louis’ firm hand rubbed Niall’s back and he knew Harry and Louis were broken, too.

There were many moments that passed which Niall couldn’t recall if he had to, for tears overcame him, but finally there was a moment when a man rose to speak. Niall, Louis, and Harry descended away from the coffin and back to where seats were reserved for them. Liam’s was empty.

Niall gathered his thoughts for a few moments while he listened to the kind words of the people around him. Zayn’s father had passed away, and even though Zayn was Muslim, his mother was decidedly going to keep the funeral non-denominational, non-religious, which seemed quite odd to everyone, but her decision remained grounded and Niall could only accept her choice and realize she must have had reasons.

Finally his turn. As Niall opened his mouth to speak for Zayn he looked across the coffin and saw the face of an angel, though it was scrunched and weeping. Liam.

“Zayn was our best friend. We were all each others’ best friend,” Niall said. “Still are,” He looked distinctively to Louis, Harry, and then Liam. Liam looked away to the ground.

Niall tried to hold back tears but it was no use, “We love Zayn. He was so special to us. I wish I could say more, I’m just having trouble...” He bowed his head into his hands and while he cried a crack of thunder echoed through the cemetery. Umbrella’s popped open and black covered the area.

“I know Zayn will be remembered for all for all he achieved, all of the lives he touched, and all he meant to each and every one of us and that’s all I could ask for, thank you.”

As Niall finished his bit the rain began to fall, hard and voluminous. There was a rush as people pitched their umbrella’s over the portrait of Zayn. Liam was standing there, no umbrella, his face dripping wet as rain cascaded from his hair down his nose and cheeks.

He locked eyes with Niall.

Niall stared over at Liam, rain was falling on him though he felt it slowly, he felt it completely and wholly, each individual drop taunting him. Liam’s face was hurting, he was sad, drenched, miserable.

After the service was over and people were saying goodbyes, a rush of black umbrellas in the rain became overwhelming. Niall didn’t know how it happened but he was standing face to face with Liam. They found a small hiding place behind a large oak tree.

Kristin was screaming for them. She was always worried for their image, which they sincerely appreciated because someone had to be, but in that moment it didn’t matter.

“I’m sorry,” Liam said, looking into Niall’s eyes with undeniable temperance. He was still sad, but there was something different, something changed.

Niall lifted his hands from his sides and held them out for Liam. “It’s okay, Liam.”

Liam took Niall’s hands and shook his head, “No, I mean it. It wasn’t right for me to act the way that I did. But today. Seeing everyone so upset, it made me realize you always have to say goodbye to the ones you love, no matter what. But I’m not ready to say goodbye to you, not yet. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” Niall said, and Liam took the nape of Niall’s neck in his palm and pulled him in for a kiss and as rain dripped down their lips they met into a perfect, electrifying union.


	9. Chapter Nine

“Wow...” The grey little man looked down at his feet, covered in a knit white blanket. “It’s good that they end up together...”

The man with the fading dark hair sighed to himself, shutting the leather bound book in his shaking hands. He smiled at the other man. They were sitting in a quiet room, the rain was pulsing down the window and the television was muted.

“What was the significance of four thirteen?” The small man asked.

“Liam’s list of things he loved about Niall was four hundred and thirteen items long, don’t you remember that part?”

“Oh.. Oh, that’s right. What a list. And the book— What’s it called?” The smaller man asked. His jaw shook as he struggled to speak, and he didn’t know what it was that brought the words to his mouth. He could hear the wrinkles on the other man’s face fall. He could smell the sadness between them. The bed, which he was used to staying in all the time unless a nurse accompanied him, seemed to sink into itself.

The darker haired man studied the book in his hand for a few moments, he had so much to say.

“It was called The One That Got Away,” The darker haired man said bitterly. “I think that was an early title...”

The grey haired man smiled a little, looking up at the ceiling. “I should hope so,” His voice was shaking. “I think it should have a happier title, don’t you think so?”

“Yes,” Was all the other man could say. “I do. Have you any ideas?”

The man shrugged, still keeping his eyes narrow on the ceiling. “How about... Against All Odds?”

The dark haired man gave a short laugh, “That’s a really good one.”

“It’s fitting though, right?” The gray haired man just smiled and kept his gaze set on the ceiling, not moving his eyes for anything.

“It’s so fitting,” The dark haired man announced. “We’ll have to contact the author about it.”

This was his least favorite part.

“Oh, what a great idea, hope he doesn’t think we sound too full of ourselves,” The grey haired man laughed. “Who’s the author, again?” The darker haired man sighed at the question, admiring the thick Irish accent which blanketed it.

The dark haired man sighed, running his hand over the golden letters engraved on the cover of the leather journal: Niall J. Horan. “Well... It was you... You wrote it, old sport.”

“Oh, you’re kidding,” Niall’s eyes widened.

Liam held up the journal for the other man to see, showing him that every word was hand written and he finally showed him the name on the front. He flipped open to the very first page, smiling as his eyes ran down the sentences. He did his best to keep tears from his eyes.

“You’re Liam?” Niall asked, his eyes shot. “And I’m Niall? Are we still in love?”

Liam let his eyebrows rise, “I sure hope so.”

“Come lay with me,” Niall suggested, a bit nervous.

Liam obliged, sitting next to Niall and then finding comfort in the pillow next to Niall’s. The two of them drifted off into sleep together.

- **o** -

Liam was startled awake by the howls of Niall Horan, the elderly man’s eyes snapped open and he saw that nurses were rushing in, coming to assist Niall. They were all saying so many things, all three of them, and Liam couldn’t comprehend what was going on—yet he was so used to it by then that he simply slid out of the bed and watched in horror as Niall was hushed and sedated by the nurses.

“He doesn’t remember me,” Liam mumbled. One of the nurses frowned, apologizing to him and patting his shoulder.

- **o** -

Liam fell asleep that night, though hardly. He couldn’t wipe the memories of Niall from his mind, though he didn’t exactly want to. He wished that he treated Niall better when he was able to, he wished that they just had more time together.

He knew Harry and Louis were off together and happier now that they were together forever, with  Zayn. He didn’t want that, though. He just wanted to be able to hold Niall in his arms and stay forever young, to be able to give him more kisses and to be able to help him see that he would always love him.

Liam looked at the bedside table before he was able to fall asleep, it was a ritual of sorts. To see the photo of Niall and himself on the ferris wheel. The smiles were ghostly, almost, to Liam, who knew that they were no longer so young, so joyful.

Liam knew the beat of Niall’s heart, he knew the sound of his breath while he slept, he knew the way Niall said his name and all he wanted was to hear him say it one more time.

Lying in his bed, remembering all of the times Liam spent with Niall, he wrapped his arms around each other, cloaked in Niall’s old jumper. It was pathetic, he was sure, but he watched Niall’s life in pictures across the ceiling, feeling Niall forgetting him all over again. He wiped a few tears on the sleeve of Niall’s jumper.

Liam knew Niall was gone forever. He arrived home and got the call shortly after. It was the last time he was able to read the journal to Niall, the last time he’d be able to lay with him, hear him say his name, the last time he’d look into the bright blue eyes.

He remembered the words that Niall whispered to him when they were on stage, he remembered the way they laughed in each other’s arms, he remembered the pain they shared when Zayn passed and the terrible way he treated Niall during all of that. He remembered their scheming regarding Louis and Harry, he remembered the smell of the rain as he and Niall kissed at the funeral.

Liam hugged himself tighter, feeling the soft fabric of Niall’s old sweater and letting himself pretend he could still smell the boy’s cologne, still see his bright young blushing cheeks and feel his tingling lips against his own.

And so Liam fell asleep that night, hoping with everything that he had, against anything he’d ever told himself, that he would be united with Niall. He couldn’t possibly bear the idea of life without Niall. He’d been experiencing it for ages now, at small levels, but now that Niall was gone, he knew it would be insufferable.

Liam wished and prayed, as he fell asleep, to meet Niall again and to not wake up and see a day where he was truly without Niall. And so though he felt that Niall had left him, or he’d left Niall—he wasn’t sure which was true—he knew that the couple found love Against All Odds, they were truly in love. So although Niall was gone far, far away, he thought back to his old title for his story, for his journal, feeling relieved that if anything, Niall was not the one that got away. 


End file.
